![]() I started my current job right about a year ago, and I found a mistake I had made a few months back. In my first two jobs after college, I had managers who did the same thing, so I just assumed I was the fuckup. " I went through this my entire childhood and lived with my parents off and on through college. Lost something? I'm also sloppy and careless. Dropped a glass? I was berated for being sloppy and careless (exact words). ![]() Received bad grades? I was grounded until the next report card. "Yep, as a kid, I was never allowed to make mistakes. " A quick lesson from years of therapy: If you don't learn how to respect and honor your emotions by letting them speak in healthy ways internally, then they are bound to morph into pathologies that end up popping out sideways or backward socially." My personal theory is that each response mechanism maps onto the big emotions (anger, disgust/fear, sadness, and joy deferred). "I'm also not an expert, just a survivor. įIGHT (RAGE to be safe) Narcissistic (control to connect)įLIGHT (PERFECT to be safe) Obsessive/Compulsive (perfect to connect)įREEZE (HIDE to be safe) Dissociative (no way I'll connect)įAWN (GROVEL to be safe) Codependent (merge to connect)' 'Traumatized children often over-gravitate to one of these response patterns to survive, and as time passes these four modes become elaborated into entrenched defensive structures. "From Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: Not an expert, just a survivor, but from what I understand/experienced, it manifests when a victim can’t get out of an unsafe situation and ends up people-pleasing as an attempt to avoid setting off their abuser or minimize the extent of the abuse." It’s an alternative to fight/flight/freeze. Do any of these apply to you or anyone you know? Let us know what you think of this list in the comments."Yep, if anyone is interested in this, google fawning. They are a strong, grateful survivor of their past. They sincerely appreciate the good things in their life. ![]() They will often ask questions to which they already know the answer, due to self-doubt.Ģ6. They constantly say that they’re sorry.Ģ4. The world of emotional abuse leaves them second-guessing everything.Ģ3. Because of experiencing a plethora of emotions at a young age, you have considerable emotional sensitivity.Ģ2. Often they will have trouble making decisions, after hearing throughout childhood that they were not good enough.Ģ1. They become perfectionistic, tidy, clean and organized.Ģ0. Many victims of emotional abuse overdo it because they want to please everyone. They may be sensitive to loud noises, as they were raised in an environment of raised voices and yelling.ġ9. Often afraid of contact with people, they may be introverted and try to distance themselves as much as possible.ġ8. They are often defensive, perceiving people as negative or offensive because of their previous abuse.ġ7. They fear others abandoning or leaving them. Making eye contact is extremely difficult and speaking makes them anxious, making it even more difficult.ġ5. Conflict gives them immense anxiety, so they often run from it instead of facing it.ġ4. They may beat themselves up mentally and emotionally, since they were beaten emotionally for so many years.ġ3. They may have issues getting close to others, because they may not especially, in general, like people.ġ2. They don’t feel comfortable using their voice after being worn down as small and wrong throughout their childhood.ġ1. No matter what they’re doing, they’re unsure if they can do it.ĩ. This may make them seem edgy or startle easily.ħ. They are angry underneath it all, and have outbursts of anger seemingly from nowhere.Ħ. This often follows from doing this in childhood.ĥ. This is often because they had to deal with this as a kid, so the only response they knew was to model the behavior.Ĥ. Mood swings which seem to come at random times are often the norm for them. This is due to disassociation, a skill learned in childhood, and it’s often unintentional.ģ. They sometimes go into auto-pilot mode and blank out entire conversations or events. They have commitment issues, probably because they had a hard time trusting anyone as a child.Ģ. Here are 26 ways you can tell if an adult may have been emotionally abused as a child:ġ. Adults who experienced emotional abuse as children have other ways of showing this in their adulthood. Studies have linked childhood trauma, for example, to increased levels of alcoholism and depression in adults. There’s a lot of compelling research being done lately about how the way we grew up affects our behavior as adults.
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